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With online dating comes more dates, but also more opportunities for disappointment, frustration, and heartbreak. After a string of bad dates it can be tempting to give up altogether as people often feel overwhelmed by negative thoughts and beliefs about their love life. CBT Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can be helpful when trying to replace these thoughts with ones that are more productive and helpful. Specifically, here are a few easy techniques from Dr.
Therapy, which has evolved from CBT, that you can do to put things into perspective and maintain a sense of optimism. Do you find yourself writing off a date as being a total failure or waste of time? Instead, try to be more specific in both looking at both the positive and negative aspects of the date. What parts of the date were good?
Maybe you got to try a new restaurant, practice your flirting skills, or met an interesting person even if it was not a perfect match. On the flip side it can be helpful to think about the specific parts of the date that did not go well so you can learn from the experience. Perhaps you realized that you need to screen your online dates more carefully, schedule some down time between work and your dinner date, or be more open and vulnerable to form a better connection.
You may have a double standard in the way you talk to yourself versus how you would talk to a close friend who is disappointed or struggling with their love life. Would you tell your friend that they are never going to meet someone? That they will spend the rest of their life alone? That they are hopeless and might as well give up now? I am guessing you would never speak in such a cruel manner to a friend. When using the double standard technique try thinking about what compassionate and reassuring things you would say to your friend and talk to yourself in the same manner.
You may be holding on to some negative beliefs about dating that might not actually be true once you take a second look. Dating is a difficult process that takes a lot of time and energy and it can be easy to feel burned out. Sometimes if all else fails it can be helpful to take a break and focus on socializing with friends and family, or putting your energy into enjoying hobbies or learning a new skill. You may find that when you do come back to online dating you are more energized and open to finding love.
Even if you have tried all of these techniques it can still be really difficult and overwhelming to try and change your negative thoughts around dating. If you would like support in this area please contact us and we can show how Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help you. Request An Appointment Online. Request Appointment Online.
How to Remain Hopeful in the Often Disappointing World of Online Dating by Anni Kelley-Day With online dating comes more dates, but also more opportunities for disappointment, frustration, and heartbreak. Be Specific Do you find yourself writing off a date as being a total failure or waste of time? Examine the Evidence A Core Strategy of CBT You may be holding on to some negative beliefs about dating that might not actually be true once you take a second look.
The Acceptance Paradox Great for Anxiety too!
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Love Stories is a series about love in all its forms, with one new essay appearing each day for the first two weeks of February, until Valentine's Day. Remember when everyone was moving to Alaska?
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She now meets guys at do-it-yourself crafting meet-ups and her rock-climbing gym. But when it comes to the algorithms of love, many say they are losing faith. They wonder whether the valley has proven too vexing for even its own dating apps. Melissa Hobley, an executive at the dating app OkCupid, hears the complaints about the apps regularly and thinks they get a bad rap. One thing distinguishes the Silicon Valley dating pool: The men-to-women ratio for employed, young singles in the San Jose metro area is higher here than any other major area.
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After sharing love and a life together, severing all contact with an ex sounds like a harsh outcome to say the least, but is maintaining ties with an ex worthwhile?
E-mail Chandrama Anderson About this blog: About this blog: I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in
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Couples: 1st Date --> Marriage or Not Date at All
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At the end of a long week at work, the last thing you might want to do is pile on the pressure to find that special someone. It can be stressful approaching women in bars and clubs, and the success rate is often pretty low. Save yourself the awkwardness and embarrassment of talking to strangers in the city by registering with our online dating site. The good news is that whatever you want, we can help. We understand that there are all types of relationships and not everyone is looking for the same thing.
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