Im dating a nice guy

Im dating a nice guy

If I were to make a checklist of all the patterns the guys I repeatedly dated in my late teens and early twenties had, it'd look like this:. Sure, these men were all awful and hopefully done their own soul-searching, but after going to therapy and reading up about my own hangups, I realized that I picked these types over and over again for a reason. If you find yourself stuck in a cycle of dating the same type of bad man, there might be something bigger going on. And if you can reduce your chances of dating a trash human or just different iterations of the same trash human , why not, right? Here are seven types of Bad Men you may be hooked on, and why you just can't quit them:.

5 Reasons Why Nice Guys Make the Best Boyfriends

If I were to make a checklist of all the patterns the guys I repeatedly dated in my late teens and early twenties had, it'd look like this:. Sure, these men were all awful and hopefully done their own soul-searching, but after going to therapy and reading up about my own hangups, I realized that I picked these types over and over again for a reason. If you find yourself stuck in a cycle of dating the same type of bad man, there might be something bigger going on. And if you can reduce your chances of dating a trash human or just different iterations of the same trash human , why not, right?

Here are seven types of Bad Men you may be hooked on, and why you just can't quit them:. One day, he's sending you paragraphs at lightning speed, the next few days: He cancels plans at the last minute, or completely forgets about them, yet you keep giving him second chances. She explains that this can be range from convincing yourself he's just busy at work to coming up with elaborate scenarios for him not replying back.

Overly-wishful thinking makes sense if it happens once with a guy you really like. But if this is a general pattern in all your relationships, it could be a sign of a deeper problem. The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety. They may not even realize this, but they will pick unavailable people. Even though you feel a pit in your stomach when he doesn't text back all weekend, you're still going along with it because you know he will disappoint you.

Greenberg explains that pursuing clearly inconsistent people can be a sign that you're afraid of going for someone who will actually show up for you. You might also find yourself only liking people who live far away, or are already in relationships, because there's a comfort in no commitment. You have to ask yourself: This guy changes his mind about you and the relationship all the time.

What started off as pure romantic bliss has turned into him threatening to break up every time you do anything that bothers him. Greenberg explains that this behavior is a form of narcissism, and that he can't see his partners beyond being either a completely flawless soul mate, or a wholly bad person. Having someone change their mind so often is exhausting, but there's a reason you can feel so attached.

He seems to constantly undercut you, but it's usually framed as a "joke. What he says doesn't make you feel good, but if you bring it up, he tells you he's just teasing and you're being way too sensitive. It makes you seem very confident, which is a very attractive trait," says Dr. This is precisely why it's really important to learn to trust your gut when a guy's "jokes" make you feel off. She elaborates to say that actually-decent people can be filled with enough self-doubt to fall for these criticisms.

It's normal and good to question where you can grow as a person — but a healthy partner will critique you with kindness and, you know, not all the time. He has a girlfriend, but either swears he'll break up with her for you or already has. You've heard "once a cheater, always a cheater" so many times, but you wonder, if this time, it's not actually relevant.

Of course, serial cheaters wouldn't get the "serial" in their name if they weren't appealing enough to make you ignore their dirtbag actions. Greenberg explains the phenomenon of falling for a repeat-cheater as simply believing that him cheating had more to do with the other women than it did with him. As incredible and special as he might make you feel, you're more of an escape to him than someone he "just loves so much" that he has to cheat on his current-girlfriend. This is the guy who goes off about his own opinions and accomplishments so often that a part of you is actually embarrassed to be with him.

He talks over your friends and acts like the ultimate authority over everything, yet a part of you believes he might be? According to Dr. Greenberg, sometimes arrogance and cockiness is mistaken for true confidence and ability. And sometimes, if he's a true narcissist, the line between confident and cocky can get blurry. There are a few potential reasons you find yourself dating men who take the "humble" out of "humblebragging. You find the men you date always need you so much more than you need them — from you teaching them to put money in their savings account to re-doing the dishes after they forget to wash the bottoms of the plates.

Supporting a partner is great, but if you're honest with yourself, your relationships always feel uneven. One of the reasons, as Dr. Greenberg notes, is that you're simply mirroring what you grew up with — a mother or women in general who did all the work in the family. Another could be that you feel comfortable being needed.

And hey, it's not to say that men with Peter Pan Syndrome are always unpleasant to be around. It's up to every couple to decide where they're willing to compromise — some people don't mind cleaning up after their partner if they have other really great traits. But if you're both sick of man-children yet keep dating them, it's good to do some deeper digging.

This is the male friend who cries "friendzone" if you turn down his advances. You're not actually that into him, but you feel bad saying "no" when he's done so much to try and win you over. Unfortunately, this feeling has a lot to do with societal expectations of how women should behave. There can be a lot of fear in saying "no", especially when a guy makes it seem like he'll never recover from you rejecting him trust me, he'll be fine.

It's not on women to "give him a chance" just because he splurged on the performative romantic gestures, and women are never obligated to date someone just because he's "really nice. Follow Julia on Twitter. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. Post-"I Do" Blues? Yeah, It's a Thing. If I were to make a checklist of all the patterns the guys I repeatedly dated in my late teens and early twenties had, it'd look like this: Advertisement - Continue Reading Below.

Admit It: You Love Gross Dudes.

Nice Guys get a bad reputation as boring based on some of their 'good' qualities. I know you know this already, as I'm sure you have tried to date the Nice Guy in. You know the guy who I'm talking about: He's irresistible AF and has 11 problems you only have in a relationship when you date a nice guy.

Top definition. Nice Guy Syndrome unknown. A condition where a guy feels he is entitled to dating a girl simply because he has been her friend and let her cry on her shoulder about the jerks. When she is not attracted to him, he choses to blame it on the fact that he has been a "nice guy" and she only wants to date jerks. Really, not the mentality of a guy who is actually nice , because one should not be kind in the hopes of getting a girl and simply be kind for the sake of being kind.

Being the nice guy also is considered as a guy being stuck in the friend zone. You are here reading this article because you want results on how to stop being a nice guy.

The problem is that if I look at it the qualities that these guys bought to the table did NOT align with my life goals. Yes my life goals include hopefully being a good mum, a healthy bodied septuagenarian, and a competent Latin Dancer. In fact it makes me really angry.

"How I (Finally) Learned to Stop Dating the Wrong Kind of Guy"

The kind of person who goes down on you without expecting a BJ in return. For me, I first realised I was dating a genuinely nice guy when I went round to his house after work and found a bunch of tulips on his bed alongside a can of ice cold Coke and a bag of vinegar crisps. These people deserve to be celebrated and so I asked people what things their current S. Os have done that made them realise that they too are dating genuinely nice people. He cooks for me without asking me to do the dishes afterwards.

The bad thing about dating nice guys

Like, what? No drama? It gets scarier as things progress too. You think his kind gestures have an ulterior motive. Is he just trying to get in your pants? Is this some type of acid trip? Is he actually human? No really, is this real life? You question what parts of your softness he deserves because so far, everyone before him has left you with nothing but disappointment. You realize you might have found a unicorn, then proceed to freak out further.

When it comes to being satisfied with guys and relationships , many women find them problematic in one way or another. Until you seek out the perfect guy, you're faced with dudes who don't want to commit, jerks who play with your heartstrings, then ghost you… and who could forget to mention the stage five clingers who won't take a hint.

Every time I meet someone I feel like they immediately put me in the nice guy category. Most women don't want to date me or put me in the friend zone right off the bat. Don't women want to date nice guys?

7 Lies ‘Nice Guys’ Will Tell You (And Why You Shouldn’t Believe Them)

He was sweet and upbeat, talkative and seemingly driven. I nodded along to his stories as I took bites of my pasta, methodically peppering him with questions while revealing very little about myself. In the end, I hugged him goodbye and thanked him for dinner. When he texted me the following day, I told him that, although he was lovely, it was probably best we went our separate ways. That would be my last date before a self-imposed dating sabbatical. I had been like that for months, emotionally battered after my last relationship and closed off to connection. Looking back one year later, my brain has blotted out much of the months I spent with my ex. I recall a series of ups and downs, in which I felt completely inadequate as a relationship partner. I lost much of my self-esteem. I cried a lot. He was a fantastic liar, always changing his story so smoothly.

Am I Crazy For Wanting To Dump The Amazing Man Who Bores Me?

I just finished dating a nice guy. I found one! Surprisingly, it was a disaster. After a string of horrible relationships, I finally wanted to date someone who was just… nice. You know? Like, literally that was it.

That, gentlemen, is a fact. Why, you might ask, would a women want such a dysfunctional dating lifestyle and subsequent relationship? Well, because women are bizarre creatures and the reason I know that is because I am one. These are the kind of men who are already firmly in arsehole territory and we see straight through those pitiful eyes and the fake BS that comes out of your mouth. Have a think and work this one out: Or are you the nice guy who throws himself against the door and lets the girl through as well as the group of lurking men behind her and even introduce them to said girl?

The Good Men Project. Instead, I turned to the ladies of Wyldfire: Where this could go awry is if she takes this as you being a softy or a pushover. It works often, because appearing unsure makes the guy seem more vulnerable and less threatening. Be aware not to let the appearance of vulnerability become the appearance of sweaty desperation or lack of confidence. This is the sure-tell indicator that you checked out her profile and took the time to think about a message to show that you have similar interest. She appreciates it and will likely be prompted to respond, due to this fact. On the flip side, while similar interests are typically positive, be cautious.

It seemed like a horrible match. The unfortunate thing is, he actually succeeded in guilting me into a second date. If only you would just give that nice guy a chance, popular wisdom goes, he might surprise you. But even if someone actually is nice, you may not want to date him for a number of reasons: Being nice is not a ticket to a date with a person of your choice. This is a widespread stereotype:

Before I met my husband, I dated a bunch of not-nice guys. I peppered in a few nice guys here and there, but I think I was so insecure and unhappy at that time that I either drove those good guys away or grew bored of their niceness. In fact, people have said that it can be hard to get to know me. Part of being with a nice guy is learning to soften for him, particularly when he needs you to be present for him. This was hard for me.

The Truth About Nice Guys - Paging Dr. NerdLove
Related publications