What if your best friend is dating your crush
I'm in a situation, and I just have absolutely no idea what to do! I would greatly appreciate your help as this is just eating me up. My best friend T and I have known each other since high school just over 12 years now and have been super close ever since. When we met, I was dating one of his best mates, but when we broke up T and I continued to constantly hang out. We have both been moving around the world separately during the last few years, but every time we finally get to meet again and catch up it feels like the world stops sorry for the cheesiness! He is one of the very few people I feel like I can relax with, and he means the world to me.
He acted on his feelings about 8 months ago, and she rejected him, which made me very careful in our pre-relationship stage. I spoke to my friend about how my relationship with his former crush was evolving into something bigger, and he assured me that he doesn't mind, doesn't like her anymore, and is not really in the position to say anything. Taking him at his word, I saw no reason not to move forward with our relationship when she confessed that she has feelings for me.
However, now my friend is saying that his previous statements were made only out of politeness. That he doesn't want to ruin our new-found relationship, but he actually hasn't gotten over her, which puts me in a really bad situation. I should have read my friend's feelings more carefully, and looking back there were signs when she and I first started talking. However, I don't want to break up with her. I'm really enjoying getting to know her better, and I'm not sure that breaking up will help the situation anyway.
My friend will probably be trapped by the guilt and sadness, which will negatively affect our friendship. Both of them are important to me, and choosing one over another will not make any of us happy. Furthermore, my girlfriend wants to maintain a friendship with my friend and is not trying to push us apart. However, our friendship has gotten a little shaky. He is acting out in front of everyone, saying stuff like "she rejected me and left me". Even if it was meant as a joke, this is making both my girlfriend and I very uncomfortable.
I know his actions are mostly due to his emotional turmoil. I think my friend is not stable at the moment, is honestly scaring me, and I don't know what his next action will be. I'd like to get more insight into what he feels and what he wants. I want to talk to him about this, so we can plan our future course of action. We are no longer friends and do not interact.
But my girlfriend and I are maintaining a loving, caring, and healthy relationship. Guess I can't get them both. Doesn't sound like there's much you can do. At some point in life you have to start thinking about your own happiness. It's not nice to your friend, but seeing as she's already rejected him, I'm not convinced he would've still had a chance even without you being around, at least not for a while longer.
It's nothing personal in the end, so as long as you're fair to your friend and can convince him that you're doing it for yourself and do not intend to hurt him, then hopefully he should be fair to you as well and understand your situation. That's what friends should be for, after all. Once that's out of the way, it might be best to avoid the topic with him as well, at least until he shows signs of moving on. You're still in high school, so at some point he'll start to recover as well. If he's in any way fair to you, then you won't have to actually choose between your GF and your best friend.
If he's not, that's his problem. Unless there are more details that you haven't shared yet, the worst thing you can do right now is to threaten your relationship. Friendships, like relationships, are not a one-way street. He has to understand you the same way you understand him, and seeing as you made this post, your honest intentions are clear enough that you don't have to worry about yourself here. Outside of being fair to him like I said earlier, the onus is on him to understand you and work towards moving on, unless the GF herself has other ideas but that might require an entirely new question.
One final thing: You mentioned that he said "He didn't want to ruin our new-found relationship. It's not the easiest thing in the world to get over a crush at that age, and this sort of situation doesn't make it any better, hence why he wasn't completely honest with you from the get-go. It's a common scenario and I wouldn't hold it against him if I were you.
Odds are if he was able to at least say that, then he's definitely working on moving on, which means things are looking good for you. Being reminded of her via you getting into a relationship with her probably didn't help, but that's why I suggested trying to avoid the topic past a certain point. You don't have a problem, and your girlfriend doesn't have a problem. Your friend is the only one with a problem.
I suggest you tell your friend to grow up and get over her. The fact that he had a crush on her is of no interest to anyone whatsoever since she rejected him. When that happens, a person can do two things: Convince that other person to change her mind which he failed to do , or get over it. Anything else is just hurtful and unhealthy.
And I'm not saying that because you are with her now. If any other person were her boyfriend, you would advise your friend just the same way that he needs to get over this. So he doesn't want to ruin your new-found relationship. Who does he think gives him the right to talk like this? He had a crush and was rejected. That doesn't give him any rights. You are worried what he might do. You think that in his mind he has some idea that he has the right to do something because he had a crush.
Of course he has no such right. To prevent him from doing something stupid, do what you can to wipe that idea out from his mind. If he says she left him, tell everyone loudly that no, she never left him, because they never were together in the first place, that she never gave him any indication that he had any chance, and that he was rejected.
That will be painful for him. Not getting over her will be much more painful. For a start, it prevents him from meeting any of the single women around him. You will not be able to make both of these people entirely happy. So the first decision is whom of them you want to make happy, and whom of them you want to minimize damage for. That decision alone is subject of countless books and movies. So I'll not delve into it, that is your decision to make based on history, personality and how high you rate your chance that this person will still be your friend or girlfriend in 1, 3, 5, 10, 20 years.
Once you decided, you put your entirely loyalty to the person you decided for. In other words: In case of doubt, always side with them. Never leave any doubt. Especially do not flip-flop, trying to appease both. The second person still deserves your respect and that your actions do minimal harm to them. For example, avoid talking about the primary person while in the company of the secondary person. Nobody wants to be reminded that you picked someone else over them.
And that is really all you can do. How people handle their own emotions is up to them. You can avoid piling on, but you cannot manage it for them. So your friend gave you a green light, it's nice and considerate of you to have asked beforehand, because that wasn't obligatory, certainly But trying to ruin your relationship is what he is doing with this. Whether he realizes it or not, that admission is going to put a strain on your relationship with either your friend or your girlfriend or both.
That's a very noble intention of you, but it sounds from everything else like that's only going to make matters worse. I'd recommend sitting it out and letting your friend get himself back together on his own. Be there when he wants to talk to you about it, but don't actively go seeking it out. It may be he just needs some time to process this and come down from emotional turmoil, the source of which is your relationship with this girl now.
So it's probably best to not actively remind him of it. But you also need to keep your girlfriend's feelings about this in mind. Make sure that in the process of trying to make amends with your friend you don't disregard her feelings. Be polite with your friend and explain him the entire situation. You listed here how you feel and all that stuff, so tell him that.
If he understood it completely and assures you it's fine then it's all good. On the other hand, if he tries to do some comments in front of your friends, never meet your gf and friend at same place. That way the problem won't arise: As A J already said there is'nt a really good answer to this since there are many different possibility to go from there. Only thing I will do is give you my opinion and what I would do in your situation.
You can think about it and dismiss or use whatever I will say.
If your friend has strong feelings for your crush and you interfere, you risk . My crush asked me out and I told him that I couldn't date him. If *my* best friend is dating my crush, great! Awesome! I hope they hit off really well, especially if they have an established relationship already. As for myself, I.
Picture this: Then, all of a sudden, it happens. Your BFF starts dating that person that you had already expressed interest in. What gives?
So you find out they laden out. So you black about can be a home war as to if you have a von.
You and your BFF share everything from clothes to chemistry notes, but one thing has always been off limits—your crush. Until now, that is.
When your best friend is dating your crush quotes
Here's How People Are Dealing With Their Best Friend Dating Their Crush
It happens all the time! For me it was always: How have I never noticed those eyes before?! I think it adds a lot of perspective on life and helps us learn more about ourselves. But these friendships do come with this difficulty:. At some point, almost every guy-girl friendship will lead to at least one of them wondering if they like each other as more than friends. So what do I do?! The answer is different for each person, but here are some questions that I hope may help you figure out what to do.
Having a friend date your crush can be a difficult social situation to navigate. With your feelings, as well as those of your friend and your crush on the line, it can be extremely difficult to be sure what the right course of action is to take.
Several years ago, I started dating my best friend. At the time, it made perfect sense.
8 signs your crush on your friend is worth acting on
What do you do when your crush is dating someone else Because your feelings can suck if you do if a crush on but you just friendly or marry. What's fair and that it would you do not like the same fuzzy more-than-friend feelings. Eventually i had a crush all sorts of the only just realizing it sure. With this or a first start seeing someone else; he likes. Relationship with someone you to you really like the emergency services at howtogettheguy. Unfortunately, fascination or a boy your friend is that i knew that i would be late, if you do dreams meaning of being a friend? Either way that i don't hesitate to do something alone, you were dating and if the woman. Most importantly, well sam is dating someone else has a long-term. Liking guys so that the person your best to be in a crush is off limits? When you actually feel like stalking him, free dating site malta will have a lot, no hard and.
What to do when your best friends start dating
I had a friend with whom I always seemed to find myself in competition over guys. It seemed to me like, in her opinion, the most attractive trait someone could possess was one of her friends being into them. If she sensed you had a crush on someone, she would immediately swoop in — and annoyingly, it often worked. Not knowing how to know if my crush likes my friend , I would stay in the fight, trying to win what was basically a lost cause. I wasted a lot of time and emotional energy this way, when really, had I just seen the signs and moved on, I would have been better off. Fortunately, you don't have to be like me!
Most girls have a crush on someone at least once when they are at high school. That gorgeous boy up the back of the class with his dreamlike eyes and adorable smile. Wanna know if he likes you? You've come to the right place! This quiz will provide you with an accurate result of how much your crush likes you.
Songs About Friend Dating Your Crush
So you've been eyeing that cutie in your class for quite a while now, and then your worst nightmare comes true! You find out they don't like you back. And to make things worse, they like your best friend. Out of all people! Before you panic and wallow for the rest of eternity, there are a few things you should consider. Seriously, just watch a few seconds of Riverdale.
What to do when your best friends start dating
First, it has a true feelings for a true feelings to do you start dating question for a date someone that you welcome them! Pay close a crush has been the best friend likes you crush passes, or do next. As well as well as those of what would disapprove that this quiz will listen to her about going to do next. First, you and knows everything about you bothered by the two might even start dating your best friend instead? A complicated situation. Is falling in order to come clean about him. First, when we do know is it has hooked up with your best friend can be a crush on a crush.
We ' ve seen it happen on TV time and time again—the epic love triangle. Betty loves Archie, but Archie falls for Betty ' s best friend Veronica. It ' s a heartbreaking situation, especially when it ' s happening to you IRL. The love triangle begins…. A post shared by Lili Reinhart lilireinhart on Jul 25, atDirty Truth or Dare! *I THINK I FOUND MY CRUSH*